So... I'm graduating in less than 12 hours. Kind of a strange thought. I'm not sure if it has hit me yet or exactly when it will. I do really want to feel something though. I hate it when I miss the good or the bad emotions on a big day just because I feel like I can't take it all in.
Do I look back on this year with any regrets? Well, I always can have done more, but if I look at how much God has stretched, molded, and made me grow, I do not regret one moment. God forced me to step back into the present and not be so caught up in the past. I came back from Spain desperately wanting to stay there, having made many wonderful friends and learned and grown so much. But God, over the next several months, gently but firmly asked me to be here, not just physically but in mind and spirit as well.
The past several months have been very full, ones both of great blessing and growth in my relationship with God, but also ones of wrestling with myself and with God in prayer. I started my job search back in January, praying with each application and interview for God's guidance and clear direction. Time and again He answered me, usually with a "No, this isn't the right direction" (aka I didn't get accepted to anything I applied for or I didn't apply for certain things because they didn't seem like they were the best choice). I have fluctuated between being so thankful and at peace, realizing that God was answering my prayer in a way, and being frustrated that nothing was coming to fruition. But God is so faithful, and He is teaching me patience and trust. I am finally getting excited about something again, and I hope that this opportunity that is in front of me is one blessed by God.
While in Spain, I learned a lot about discipleship from my friends and mentors - especially Martha Moore. She was an example for me, and, after I got over my funk coming back to the U.S. and was able to open up to really getting to know people here, God brought so many new people, especially younger college girls, into my life to minister to and disciple. And they blessed me in return. That is the fruit of my year. I have been able to share the Good News of Jesus with people because I have been taught how, and God gave me the grace and the courage to do so (1 Peter 3:15-18). And I have been blessed with so many awesome life/God conversations this year - I am so encouraged to see God moving and see answers to prayer! I even had a wonderful, real, honest life conversation with two very dear international friends last night (TOTALLY worth staying up really late) - I am so thankful for them, their hearts, and the fact that God brought us together as friends. God also gave me the opportunity to be a part of the youth group at my church, which in turn blessed me with knowing SO many more new people in my church family.
Now that I am about to leave, the thing I will miss the most is living in the E-House with my girls: Chelsea, Dayna, and Nikki (E-House +1... AND our "non-guest" Lydia). These ladies have been the most patient, loving, and just all-around awesome housemates and friends. I felt at home in the Emmaus House, and I will miss that place of ministry and blessing. I will also miss all of the other friends I have made and the professors and staff that I have had the privilege of meeting and knowing.
But in spite of all of this, I rest knowing this: no matter where I go, if I seek God I will find Him, when I seek Him with all my heart (Jeremiah 29:12-13), and He will never leave nor forsake me (Joshua 1:9). AND He is still here at Linfield. I may be leaving, but I trust that He will continue to move and to work here. I am so thankful that HE never grows weary!! (Isaiah 40: 27-31).
Wherever I go, I walk with God, following Him wholeheartedly. He gave everything for me! So I give Him my everything in return. It's you and me, Jesus! Lead the way - on to the next adventure!!
